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17 Days of St. Patrick Celebration day 6! It’s also Thursday, though, so I’ve got a crossover 500 Words On… special cooked up.

Hey, Guinness is a classy beer!

One of the classier Guinness t-shirts I own.

Life Belief: everyone (who drinks) should find one main drink and become acquainted with how it feels to be drunk on that drink, making it easier to gauge how great/awful a night progresses. If I only ever drank Budweiser, then spent an evening drinking Kamikazes, I’d have no idea how drunk I was getting, how obnoxious it was making me, or how sick I’d feel the next morning. However, if I only ever drink Guinness, and I spend an evening drinking Guinness, I know exactly how drunk I’m getting, how obnoxious it’s making me, and how sick I’ll feel the next morning. There are certainly exceptions to this suggestion (not exactly a rule), but mostly it seems like a responsible way to be irresponsible.*

(*One of the positive side effects of this has a practical application in this terrible world that we live in: for females, who are sadly at risk of date-rape drugs and other shady acts at a much higher likelihood than males, if you know exactly how buzzed/drunk/whatever you should be from two of Your Drink, but you’re WAY drunker than normal, you may be able to tip off a friend or bartender that you’ve been drugged. It’s horrible that this is even something to consider, but there you go. Anything that helps people drink more safely/responsibly is a good idea in my book. P.S. I’m not counting this towards the 500 words, as this is an Important Public Safety Message. Kind of.)

I’ve chosen Guinness as my Drink of Choice. When I first started drinking in college, it was all vodka/mixed drinks/terrible hangovers. Then one summer I went to Ireland and tried Guinness—hated it. I LOVED cider, though; it was like drinking alcoholic apple juice. (I thought wine would taste like alcoholic grape juice—I was hugely disappointed.) The only problem: the atrocious headaches I’d get the next day from all that sugar. A friend suggested drinking Black Velvets; half cider/half Guinness, it took away the burnt Guinness flavor I didn’t like then while cutting the sugar content in half. This was my go-to for a while, but I was still getting headaches, so eventually I phased the cider out and just drank Guinness. It’s the only “acquired taste” I’ve ever taken the time to acquire; I’m glad I did.

I love Guinness, for a few reasons. Obviously I really enjoy the taste now, but there’s also a satisfaction I get from the first sip that I don’t find with other beverages. There’s a certain heft to Guinness that most beers don’t have. This is likely because Guinness isn’t carbonated, so all else equal, I’m actually getting more liquid per sip with Guinness than other beers. One complaint I always hear about Guinness: “It’s so heavy! It’s like drinking a milkshake!” That’s true, but since it isn’t carbonated, it actually settles in the stomach better and doesn’t make me feel as bloated. It’s almost impossible for me to spend an entire night drinking carbonated beers now, which make me feel 400 pounds heavier. Also, Guinness isn’t sugary, so there’s no terrible headache hangover. In fact, I rarely get any hangover from Guinness. Plus, their campaign that “Guinness is good for you” is actually true. It has the same antioxidants found in red wine and dark chocolate, which other beers don’t have, and it can reduce blood clots and the risk of heart attack, among other things. Guinness Extra Stout is even vegan-friendly!

So instead of drinking that green swill most bars serve on St. Patrick’s Day, order a pint of the black. After all…

I think I'll have one tonight. I've earned it after all this hard work I've done.

You’ve earned that Guinness

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