March 15th: Designated Drinker

Day 15, and we start getting into the really questionable items.

Who’s got two thumbs and is culturally insensitive?

I’d like to point out that I’ll actually be wearing this in public today. Tomorrow I’m mostly going to be cooking/baking/preparing for Monday’s shenanigans, but today I have actual Things To Do out in the world.

I mean, that isn’t going to stop me from drinking tonight and making an honest man out of this shirt, but still. Should be interesting. Thanks, Gram!

You know, now that I think about it, this shirt is actually a pretty smart idea. Although it’s usually clear enough, this makes it EXTRA clear that someone is going to be drinking and so should not be driving at all. Friends, fans, casual Internet travelers, if you hear nothing else this weekend, hear this: don’t drink and drive. If you’re buzzed or sloshed or tipsy or wasted or hammered or toasty or pissed or bent or foggy or in any way even mildly inebriated, DON’T DRIVE. Aside from the obvious possibility of dying a horrible car crash death—or even worse, being responsible for someone else’s horrible car crash death—clearly cops will be on the lookout this weekend for anyone stupid enough to push their luck. Don’t push your luck. It’s a fun holiday, but just like any other day of the year, be responsible for yourself. Assign a designated driver, drink somewhere within walking distance, put the number of a taxi company in your phone, or download an app like Uber; there’s no excuse to be irresponsible this weekend.*

*Says the guy who will be wearing the above shirt. If i can be responsible, the author of Broetry, wearing THAT shirt, then you can keep it together enough to make a plan.